The Lost Art of Being a Gentleman 

1. Remember Courtship: Dating is an ART, not just a rush to get laid ASAP. Always keep this in mind! Dating should be like an enjoyable play, not a dreaded task.

2. Dial Back the Pomposity: Only talk about yourself when the lady asks. Don’t ramble on with unsolicited egoic diatribes lest you proceed to bore the paper off the wall. In other words, STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF NON-STOP. Oh, and be amusing. Taking yourself too seriously is self-centered and rude, and frankly, no fun to be around.

3. Converse Politely and in a Civilized Manner: Engage in conversation that is a give and take, not just you pontificating on subjects you consider interesting. That doesn’t mean instigating arguments about sensitive topics. The old adage – never talk about religion or politics – is TRUE. Long boring arguments or dwelling on subjects where you have an axe to grind becomes tiresome. Do not interrupt when others are speaking. Try listening for a change. Allowing a lady to contribute to a conversation is far more gentlemanly than blabbing on like a big boring bag of wind. She will be more inclined to want to see you again. Funny stories are always a hit, just make sure they are not offensive, insulting or demeaning to women. Time flies when the conversation is a two way street. Gentlemen converse, boring blow hards pontificate.

4. Confidence Without Arrogance: Women love confident guys, but frequently those men also tend to be arrogant and arrogance is a sign of insecurity. Truly confident men do not need to belittle women or anyone with a condescending attitude and they make sure not to. If you make a mistake, cop to it. Man up, admit it, and make it right. Arrogant men often become bigger jerks when they blow it. A confident guy considers the ladies feelings and is gentle with her. It takes a much stronger, more confident gentleman to be considerate of the feelings of others. A woman will notice and appreciate that kind of class in a man.

5. Table Manners; Do’s and Dont’s: Never put a lady’s back to the door, unless you are a cop and you fear there may be danger afoot and you need to keep watch. Other than that, if anyone needs to look at the wall, make sure it is YOU. That way she can look around the room if she feels uncomfortable for any reason, and who is in the room is of more interest to the woman anyway. Guys don’t care, not should they. If you do, you are a busy body, should become gay, and start a gossip column. Many men do not know how to use a napkin, knife, fork, spoon, etc. Learn a little table etiquette, please. If this confuses you, google it before going out. Learn it, know it, live it. Dab with your napkin, not wipe. Don’t make us think you are about to blow your nose in the napkin next, and do I need to say, NEVER EVER blow your nose in the napkin. If you must pick your teeth, which I do not recommend, do it discretely, not like you are mining for coal. We don’t want to see that. Look up from your plate now and again. This is not your grandma’s house, and it’s not a race between you and your three brothers to see who can finish fastest and get the last piece of meat loaf. We would like to see your face while you are eating, not just the top of your head. This is obvious, but always refill a lady’s glass. Everything you need to know about etiquette you can find

6. Treat a Lady Like She is Special: Throwing money around indiscriminately to try and impress a woman is repulsive and insulting. Find out what her likes and dislikes are. Drop the direct sexual comments. Gentle innuendos are much sexier and far more classy. Ask her questions. Take an interest in her feelings and opinions. Show her she is unique and special to you, not just any chick you picked up off the street for the night.

7. Be Real: If you fake it, she will find out who you really are soon enough and dump you. Just be yourself, don’t lie or mislead. Be yourself. Be real. She appreciates you much more for being honest. If she doesn’t want you because you are broke, she is not good for you anyway. It’s ok to be unique.

8. Flattery Will Get You Everywhere: Learn how to compliment a woman. Compliment her on things you actually like. Don’t make stuff up, because if you are just buttering her up to get in her pants, she will be able to tell. If you compliment her on her looks, make sure your comments are elegant and not horny sounding. The mind can think what it wishes, but the mouth should demonstrate constraint! Gentlemen edit their thoughts before they fly out of their mouth.

9. Don’t Throw Stones: You have no right to judge her. Try it and see how fast she bolts. If you want to encourage a woman to stick around, don’t try to be her father. Get to know someone first. We are not attracted to task masters and control freaks. Exercise control over your dog and your employees, not over a lady. You may think you are controlling her with judgement and she may stay quiet, but she will be silently thinking about escaping to the arms of a man who accepts her and appreciates her for who she is.

10. Charm Her With Words: The lexicon of love is a language all gentlemen should master. It is one of the most important things. I’m not saying BS her. I’m saying learn to express yourself in words. If you can communicate, you can connect with anyone, even on the worst date in history. Just make sure not to overstate. Overstatement is the language of wannabes. When it comes to how you feel about her, show her and tell her; when it comes to your own accomplishments – show, DON’T tell. Speak the truth (as long as it is positive; keep the negative stuff to yourself), do it eloquently, and be charming.

By Tinka Milinovic

©2011 Tinka Milinovic. All Rights Reserved.


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1 Comment

  1. Rusty Niloc
    October 12, 2011 / 8:44 PM

    Hi Tinka,

    It is obvious that you have made a study of this subject and it’s true that some of us guys have forgotten much of what we were taught.

    While reading though your ten points I began to wonder what made you decide to give us guys the heads-up on where we might be going wrong. Is it that you and your friends have had to undergo dates with similar characters lacking a little polish and want to see a change, or is it that you are just hoping to turn back the clock to another time?

    Given your insight into the date scene and all the “does and don’ts” for guys, would you have similar guidance for your feminine counterparts? I am sure many of us would be interested to read the sequel and how you rate their manners and etiquette too, which is not always what we expect we enjoy either!

    I have to say that I enjoyed this good read. So much so that I printed the page and took it to the bar to share with my buddies. I can’t say that too many seemed to willing to suddenly reform, but it certainly provided lively and heated repartee with some colorful comments too.

    On a note of personal interest, I am wondering if you give private lessons in a real restaurant situation? If so do you accept date requests? 🙂


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