We lost the ability to go out on a date expecting nothing. Most of us, when going out on a date, expect to at least find out whether we like the other person or not. We stopped understanding what dating is all about and no longer know how to date. Dating is not “Oh I fancy you, so now I want to have sex with you”. What is dating then, you ask?
Here are few rules:

Disclaimer: I can’t cover every possible variable in one article, so what I talk about are, of course, generalizations. 

1. Never EVER ever date someone you’re not attracted to! This especially goes for the ladies. Girls, when you go on a date with a guy you are not attracted to, be clear about it in the following way, “I’d love to go out to have a dinner with you, but only as a friend.”  Men make assumptions and assuming should not be a part of this program. By telling him he’s not getting any from you, you are not rejecting him as a potential romantic interest in the future YET necessarily; you are just defining your space and territory for him to know for now. That’s not to say you may not change your mind, but letting him know where he stands straight away is a fair deal. How you state it is very important, so use your words carefully.

2. The part of the etiquette of dating, especially in the beginning, is to make the other person feel relaxed.You should only be on a date if there’s something about them that attracts you (might be mental and/or physical), but it should not be called “a date” unless there’s a mutual attraction of some description.

3. Honesty is the best policy. Unless there’s a mutual attraction, it is not a date, so don’t call it “a date.” It’s okay to hang out, be friends and have a great time, but if the man is under the assumption you are attracted to him when you are not, you are setting yourself up for a very uncomfortable and awkward situation where one or both parties may end up hurt or angry. Nobody wants that.

4. First dates are generally always a nervous affair. It is both the man and woman’s responsibility to be as gentle as possible making each other feel comfortable. If you have cleared the first hurdle of making sure you are attracted to the guy before you accept a date, that is half the battle.

5. Also, don’t forget, as a matter of etiquette, the person who invites should anticipate to pay. Any man worth his salt will pick up a tab, but ladies, be prepared just in case.

6. The whole point of dating is to find out if you actually like the person for something potentially serious. It is for you to explore what this person is all about. You KNOW or not if you find someone attractive, and probably within the first 5 minutes or 5 seconds for that matter. Attracted or not attracted. That is the starting point.

7. Being a Lady and being a Gentleman is all about Etiquette. It’s a way of conducting yourself in a certain way or positive manner. It is to be alluring and charming with your agenda. There is no law dictating you must sleep with someone you like right away, although most men would like it if there were. Movies, MTV, reality shows, etc., all push the promiscuity agenda, but anyone dumb enough to play “monkey-see-monkey-do” with the junk entertainment Hollywoodpumps out, is setting themselves up for relationship failure. Have a look at Hollywood relationships; need I say more? So, essentially, it’s okay to be attracted to a man, like him and still not sleep with him. In real life, there needs to be a reason for sleeping with that person or even kissing. Any level of intimacy has to be well thought out and for a reason or someone is going to get hurt and it is usually the woman.

8. Dating is all about courtship, not sex hook ups. If you are looking for a sex hook up, that is not a date, that is a booty call. COURTSHIP IS A TRUE ART. It is not about sex. Once you are past the attraction aspect, it is about building a potential relationship. Enjoy the date, the occasion, and the company. If you are honest, date only men you are attracted to and don’t turn it into a sex hook up because you know very well that is an Art of something else.

By Tinka Milinovic

©2011 Tinka Milinovic. All Rights Reserved.

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