I have a gorgeous lovely girlfriend in her early 40s, married to a billionaire, living a fabulous jet setting life of luxury. They have a grown up kid. Sounds good so far, right? From the outside seems like a dream. Who wouldn’t want that kind of life? There is a backstory though.
See, now they are divorced. She married him when she was only seventeen, he was a decade older. As she puts its, they have had sex every single day for ten solid years, sometimes several times a day. She always looked great, didn’t gain weight, and never denied him sex. They had pretty good emotional, spiritual and physical connection. She was there for him 100%. However, he still cheated, and her Younger Self wondered why. His cheat of choice were pros. “So what went wrong”, I asked? She says today her Older Self knows they had totally boring sex. He never told her what fun sexy games he wanted to play and she didn’t bother to ask. He never showed her his interest about these things, and she never researched it herself. He found what he wanted from working gals. What now her Older Self would tell her Younger Self is that she should have been his No.1 Ho.
And she’s right. Sometimes life gets in the way. Problems start when the reason they fell in love in the first place falls apart. Distractions happen. There is a disconnect from what brought them together in the beginning. A woman becomes a mother and forgets to be a girlfriend. Keeping the romance and spark in the sex life should not, however, fall completely on the shoulders of the woman. A man takes her for granted the moment she starts paying more attention to the newborn. He should also never forget to take part in kissing, touching, caressing, having romantic dinners, being engaging, making her laugh, dressing up for each other… It is both partners’ job to pitch in and keep the love alive, and people who value their relationships do just that. Sadly though, too often, people get lazy and don’t want to put in the effort. For married men it is just a lot easier to create a new romance with a new woman than to rekindle what they once had with their wife. In the beginning women are good at keeping up their appearance, being hot, acting sexy, but as soon as the guy marries them, they are out. Women often relax after they have kids and are no longer their hubby’s girlfriend, so he goes and finds a girlfriend elsewhere, sometimes in exchange for money. They disconnect and the marriage is over. Some stay together for the kids, but for all intents and purposes, the union is done.
Women forget, men are visual. They need that visual stimulation to stay sexually interested. A guy may still love his wife with all his heart, and of course his kids, but that does not preclude him from sleeping around or with a hooker when he feels the inclination to do so. And in his mind, he doesn’t consider it to diminish his love for his wife at all. She will probably beg to differ. When a wife does not act like a professional hooking in the bedroom, as the marriage goes along, she is likely going to end up sharing him with a woman who does. I am not advocating cheating. I am just facing the reality that men aren’t programmed to be loyal (kudos to exceptions) and expecting them to is delusional. My friend’s advice to married women is STAY HOT!! My advice is don’t forget that the most important sexual organ is your brain. The best sex comes from the unison of mind, body and spirit’s energies. Don’t lose your witty sassy vixen mojo. Don’t slip into boring doldrums in the bedroom. Keep up your appearance, be a little of what you were when you met him. And then some. Men, tell your woman what you want so she has something to shoot for. Be a little romantic and treat HER like you did when you first met. Have a little respect for the woman you married and give her a chance first before you go out and start sleeping all around town….and girls do what you have to do to make him want to have you as his personal fun ho rather than the real ones down the street. It may just save your marriage and make it a lot more interesting and steamy!
By Tinka Milinovic
©2011 Tinka Milinovic. All Rights Reserved.
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