I got the following question from a reader. Below is my reply.

Tinka, it would be great if you could share with us men, the flip side of the coin. How can men find the woman they have been looking for (and not the women who are overly materialistic and selfish)? Hopefully you will write an equally colorful and detail piece on that as well!” – L.L. (43), NYC

Dear L.L.,

Not all men are jerks. Clearly there are many amazing, wonderful men with integrity out there. Unfortunately the jerks are the ones who cause us the most grief and in turn who’s actions require damage control. Not to mention the A-holes seem to be in the majority these days. I think integrity in general is on the decline. People just do not have integrity in the world today. Everyone wants instant gratification, men and women alike, and I’m not saying women are not equally at fault. The answer, I believe is as follows, TIME HEALS ALL WOUNDS.

In other words, if you as a man take the time to know a woman, you will shortly be able to tell if she is digging for gold or in it for the right reason. No one, man or woman, not even the most skilled con artists, are able to keep up a charade indefinitely. All you have to do is wait them out. Time ferrets out all fakes. If a woman is a fake you will know in a few weeks or sooner. Fake, manipulative individuals have no patience and no accountability and no consideration for anyone but themselves. This character flaw makes it impossible for them to wait if they are not getting what they are trying to swindle out of you. If she is a cheater, liar, golddigger, fill in the blank, you will know within a month for sure. Only the most heinous practiced con artists are able to fake it for more than 30 days and even then they are only able to fool the most naive of marks. Be aware. Don’t sleep with her so you don’t end up in a “love is blind” scenario. Wicked women use a mans own lust against him. Take that into consideration. Also ask your friends and family what they think of her; they can spot a girl with bad intentions in a second. Invariably when someone gets taken advantage of by a lover, they will tell you their friends and family called it and warned them. The wronged party, of course, did not listen because they were “in love.” Lust can easily be confused with love. Manipulators sense when their victim is head over heels and use that to their advantage. Hold back a little. Put the breaks on if you feel yourself falling and keep your eyes open. Wait for sex. A woman who is really into you and interested in a true relationship for the right reasons will welcome the time and space to get to know each other and kindle a real romance.

Most of the problems in relationships crop up unexpectedly after you are already involved because people get involved with strangers. Haste makes waste. When you meet a woman, just because you are attracted to her, does not mean she is a good person. Your attraction will convince you to jump  out of the plane without a parachute and it may feel amazing flying through the air at a hundred miles and hour, but the ground comes up real fast and is mighty hard when you hit it at that speed. Time is your parachute. DO NOT get intimately involved with anyone for at least 30 days or even 60 – 90 if possible. The longer the better, but I wouldn’t take it past 6 months if you are interested or she is going to think you are weird. If she REALLY likes you and is genuinely attracted to you, she will hang in there and appreciate you not trying to jump her bones on the first date or two. You will be able to determine how you feel about her, without your mind being clouded by sex and she will get the chance to do the same. It’s a win-win all the way around.

By Tinka Milinovic

©2011 Tinka Milinovic.  All Rights Reserved.

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