This is 2011.

You owe it to society as a whole to take care of your appearance, outside, inside, and….well, whatever else that’s hidden.

Talking to both ladies and gents, it came to my understanding that some of you are still not well groomed in the domain of your private areas. Unless your partner specifically tells you to grow it out for his/her personal liking, do not, I repeat, DO NOT attempt to show anyone your Birthday suit untrimmed!

Shaving it makes no sense because of the itching afterwards (pardonne-moi if you prefer shaving), so I recommend you buy yourself a small trimmer – like the ones men use for their beards – they are easily operated and give great results. Those big ones used for haircuts can really hurt; skip those. Or you can do it an old fashioned way: grab the scissors and get down to business. Cut it so the end result is anywhere from 1mm  (0.04″) and no longer than 5 millimeters (0.20″).

Sounds like I trimmed a whole herd? God knows I had to. Phew.

While we’re at it, let’s add few more pointers. Ladies, continue shaving your armpits clean; no excuses. Gents, it’s time for all of you to reciprocate and have your pits either totally shaved or at least trimmed very well. Same trimming methods apply. You are not less macho if you do this. Why do you think all women have at least one gay man as their BFF?! Because they are deliciously aware. Face up. Esthetically and hygienically you owe this to yourself and to people around you. Oh and btw, if you can smell yourself no matter how unnoticeable you think it is, trust me, people can smell it too.

Another thing (and I do hope an ex of mine who baptized himself as “Bill Gates of the Alps” will finally learn this too):

Just because you put a perfume on, doesn’t mean that you smell good. Putting a perfume on the skin that’s not fresh and clean actually makes it… stale. What smells good is when you are freshly showered, daily, a couple of times a day if necessary, as well as when your hair isn’t greased up from gels or natural oils. The smell of clean skin cannot be beat. It smells different, it feels different, it is what it is – cleanness galore! If you would be so kind to exfoliate your face and body too, we’ll be forever grateful. After you wash it all, then spray yourself with whatever identity you feel like sporting, but do not apply a perfume thinking it can replace a nice shower or that people won’t notice your lack of hygiene.

We all are just humans, sometimes lazy, sometimes not, we all sweat and stink if we don’t act on it. It is your obligation to be clean. And aware.

Those who are wishing to have more felatios and cunnulingus (if you’re living in the dark age, use your best internet friend: Google), ask yourself how often you are making sure your private parts are immaculately clean? You’d be surprised how many partners who love giving cannot do so because of its repulsive odor.

Save yourself an embarrassment and save your partners from feeling embarrassed by having to think of ways how to deliver these news while walking on egg shells making sure you don’t take it the wrong way.

In 2011 having a bush is – an ambush! And no one wants to deal with your mess.

by Tinka Milinovic.

©2011 Tinka Milinovic. All Rights Reserved.

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