…and The Role It Has In The L.O.V.E Addiction.

Ever been totally, flat out, OBSESSED with someone after the break up? So obsessed to the point of being completely incapacitated, debilitated, and effed up beyond recognition? Ever experienced a break up so horrendously painful or gone into a relationship with someone you KNOW is all wrong, your friends and family implore you to dump, your dog hates, and all this because you “just cannot live without them”? Of course you have.

Robert Palmer had it right. “Might as well face it — you’re addicted to love!”

And that is truer than you may think. Scientifically speaking, there is research to support the concept that when in love, dopamine and seritonin are released into our system, and, in a nutshell, we become addicted to those chemicals. When love is taken away it’s essentially the same as when heroine is taken away from a junkie. The person is in extreme pain, has withdrawls, DT’s, gets sick to their stomache, feels desperate, anxiety ridden, feel like they are going to die and they will do anything on earth to get another hit of the drug.

The amount of pain that surfaces after the L.O.V.E. and relationship depart the building, can be WORSE than withdrawal of cigarettes, blow, crack, smack, and all of the above times the national debt, to the 100th power. What do you think all those amazing love songs throughout history were about? Addiction to sexy chemicals the brain releases is really what “love” is. Withdrawal, my friends, happens because of the dopamine loss in our neuro-system. Dopamine is a ‘pleasure chemical’ that produces a feeling of bliss. Once you get used to it, good luck with the withdrawal that will hit you like a ton of bricks after the break-up. The same pattern goes for friendships and relationships alike that end abruptly.

We spend time with the one we love, get used to him or her, but when the break-up happens, we don’t know what to do with the levels of dopamine and endorphins gone! You need that fix just one more time, whether it will be dialing his number to see how he’s doing, or asking her out for a cup coffee and try to at least keep the friendship going. Why are we compelled to call, email, text and cyberstalk each other to the point of psychosis? It completely transcends a person’s normal personality and completely stomps on all logic. However, continuous feeding oneself with the dopamine after the break-up (now in smaller hits, less and less) can successfully help you withdraw from this addiction slowly and almost painlessly. It’s like cigarettes, if you can make it through the first week or two, it gets a lot easier. The first week of “love” withdrawal is the most critical one. To cure yourself addiction free, during and after the first month all you need do is be aware of what is happening to you, and realize what is happening inside your brain and your sexy neuro-system.

As I always say, our brain is the most important SEXUAL ORGAN. It truly is. It is wired to produce pleasurable sensations. The brain is the relationship organ as well as a sensual organ. Engaging mentally is key to achieving an amazing connection, but the dangers of becoming addicted to love or a lover are very real and can be incredibly destructive. The drug like addiction we feel when we become obsessed with a partner is not just something imagined; it is backed up by science. It is a fact of biology which exists to cause us to mate and reproduce. It messes up our head. It causes us to experience temporary insanity and to associate all those good feelings with that one person.

Awareness is the key. Use your brain and realize how sexy and sensual it is. Tend to it like it’s the last drop of water on Earth. We can learn to develop healthy relationships by being aware of what is happening to our bodies and minds and not completely losing ourselves in it. Feel with Sensuality which means to feel with all five senses; hearing, sight, touch, smell, and taste. Open your heart to connect with your brain and truly feel with real affection and caring. Embrace your Sensuality and make it a part of who you are – everyday. How wonderful would it be if the entire world starts caring and use their Sensuality to care and be present for Everyone. Maybe then we could finally live fully addicted – to the Sensuality of Love and Peace.

By Tinka Milinovic

©2011 Tinka Milinovic. All Rights Reserved.

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