Why all exes at some point come back like a boomerang wanting another chance at relationship or to marry you?

It reminds me of this old kids song called “The Cat Came Back” and the lyrics perfectly illustrate the ex-boyfriend that keeps coming back and comin’ back and comin’ back. No matter what you do, he returns begging for another chance. It goes, “well I gave him to a man going up in a balloon and asked him to take him to the man-in-the-moon, where the balloon man is I dare not say, but THE CAT (read: BF) came back the very next day.” And it goes on and on and on, one scenario after another, how this darn cat kept a-comin’ back, through hell or high water. My point, you might ask?

THEY ALL COME BACK. It’s not a matter of “if”, but “when”. If you just move on and ignore him long enough, especially if you start dating someone else and forget him, he’ll BE BACK. Why?

Men cannot get their head around rejection. Even if he was the one that dumped you (unless you didn’t throw yourself on the floor, stalk him and threaten to commit suicide), he will feel rejected. And to add insult to injury, whatever he thought was so great out there, the grass (or ass) that looked so much greener over there across the street, turned out not to be so terrific. In fact, it turned out to be hellacious (chuckle, chuckle). Not that good after all. And sadly (boo hoo, someone pass the tissue), he didn’t find out til after he already took a big juicy bite of it.

Flashback…. Here’s how it happens: you go out with a guy for a few weeks, months, years, whatever. Suddenly he wants to “see if women are still attracted to him”, “take a little break”, “have the chance to see what it’s like to be single”. So you figure, ok f**k him, and you LET HIM GO, no questions asked. You move on. You don’t call. You don’t text. You don’t message him on facebook. You just relegate him to inconsequential aquaintancedom. Basically he’s dead to you for all intents and purposes. So he goes back on match and eharmony. He dates, has a few flings here and there, screws his roommates girlfriend, does his best friends wife in the bathroom of a nightclub, gets it on with a hooker or three in Las Vegas, etc etc, all that, and so on. Then when all the good time girls are gone, when the party is over, when he sobers up, he finds himself – all alone.

The sober reality that there is no one who really, truly gives a rats ass about him, is too much for him to stomache. No one cares when he is sick, except his mom, and she and her new husband are away in Paris. She facebooks him a get well e-card, tells him to help himself to anything in the freezer, and asks if he could please also walk the dog as soon as he feels better. His brother and sister are married with kids, they have no time for his petty problems. His best friends are either married or getting married. The nights out with the boys just aren’t that fun anymore. That last chick he took out to dinner got wasted, fell flat on her face and he had to carry her out of there, then she puked all over the leather of his prized sportscar. It’s not a pretty picture. Meanwhile, he sees you moving on with your life. He remembers how when he said he wanted to break up or date other people, you simply said, “Ok”, turned on your heels and walked out, never to call him again. The shallow plastic trench of being single in the big city starts to feel like an inescapable prison of sickening debauchery and gut wrenching loneliness verging on several types of addictions, afflictions and contradictions he really does not want to contend with. His life sucks, he’s a mess.

Slowly but surly his mind wanders back to those wonderful days before you started hating each other or before he started wondering off, and he longs for the familiarity of your embrace. The gap that happened when he wanted his space and you did not oppose him is still there like a gaping hole, and filling it with harlots, bimbos and hoes only staved off the self inflicted pain of not having you in his life. So here he comes, back for a second helping, and in a lot of cases baring a ring.

Men need to be SURE they are giving up their freedom for the right person, and giving him enough rope to hang himself is frequently the best way to get him back.

By Tinka Milinovic    

©2011 Tinka Milinovic. All Rights Reserved.

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