1. Ladies, Allow a Man to be a Gentleman: You want to date a gentleman? Let him be one. Encourage him to be a gentleman and don’t accept ungentlemanly behavior. Relationships need to be nurtured. Good behavior needs to be rewarded. If he opens the door for you, thank him. Let him know you noticed. If on the other hand he is rude, react to his behavior by going home early and being too busy to see him the next time he asks. If he has half a brain, he’ll get the picture.
2. Behind Every Successful Man is a Woman: Why do you suppose that is? Men can be real dummies, let’s face it. No matter how smart they are, their egos frequently trip them up and cause them to make fools of themselves. This is where you come in. Men are hunters, slaves to their libidos, ego maniacs as a general rule, and so they manage to make giant fools out of themselves from time to time. A lady knows when to step in and use some fancy footwork, clever conversation, smooth diversions and other distractions to drive a potentially disastrous situation away from the cliff. If he is treading on a mine field in conversation, kill that side of the debate with some cool and charming intervention. When male egos get out of control, always do what you can to save him from himself. Other times he may start beating himself up or maybe bragging, in other case, saying a little too much. A charming ladylike change of subject would be in order in this case. You have to watch out for him beating his chest like a gorilla trying to get your attention. These antics can go awry and a lady should never let things progress to a point where her man is making a fool of himself. Be gentle and above all, protect him from himself. If the reverse happens, which I trust it will not, the gentleman will certainly return the favor and then just laugh it off.
3. Protect his Ego, Protect Yourself: As we know, men are all about ego. Don’t damage it. Every man should have an ego, if he didn’t, he wouldn’t be much of a provider. Men’s egos are very fragile. They may come across as all blustery and in charge, but just beneath the surface is a scared little boy hanging onto mommy’s apron strings. If a man likes something and you don’t, don’t say “well, I hate it.” If a man chooses a restaurant you don’t like, don’t sit there and sulk like an ingrate adolescent, smile and enjoy yourself. LIE. Tell him you love it and thank him for a wonderful time. Next time just subtly suggest someplace else. You don’t need to act like a guy even if you do at work or in other endeavors in life. Be a lady. Keep your opinions at bay. Learn how to express yourself without trampling his ego in the process. If you want to win, you may win the argument, but he won’t call again. Take your pick.
4. Be Prepared to Pay Your Own Way….Just in Case He’s a Skin Flint: Be prepared to pay for yourself until you have established a rapport with him, or an understanding. Most of men will pay anyway whether you asked them out or not. Be careful if you offer to pay too quickly, it may offend him, but take out your money nonetheless and give him the opportunity to let you know he is taking care of it. Don’t fake it though. Make sure you actually have the money to pay your own share. If at this point he accepts your offer to pay your share or even lets you pay for the entire bill, that should tell you what kind of man he is and you may consider being too busy to accept his invitations to go out in the future.
5. Don’t Ask ANYTHING About his Money or Wealth: Never, EVER ask about his money, net worth, job, income or anything of the kind. It is none of your business. His actions will answer that question for you sooner than you think. Men don’t like to be probed. Save the Spanish Inquisition for much later and if at all possible try to gleen the information through observation and careful attention to his conversations with others. Controlling your curiosity about these matters is crucial. This is obvious but if he has a nice watch or a great car, DO NOT ask how much he paid for it. This is the worst faux pas ever and if you make it, he may never ask you out again.
6. Give him the Benefit of the Doubt: Don’t rush to judgement. Be sympathetic about other people’s situations. He may be nervous too, you never know what he may be going through until you get to know him a little better. If he says something off the wall, give him a chance and reserve your judgement for a little ways down the road. You will have enough evidence to make your assessment much more quickly than you may think. At first, however, give him the benefit of the doubt.
7. If You’re Not Attracted to Him, Don’t Go on a Date: Don’t date men you are not attracted to. If you are not attracted to him, don’t go on a romantic date. Let him know up front you only want to be friends. Be honest. Have a moment of clarity. This sets the boundries immediately. That way you are not going to have an evening of embarrassment where he is gazing into your eyes and forcing a kiss at the end of the date. Nothing is worse then a kiss with a guy that doesn’t do it for you. If you know before hand he is not your type, suggest dinner with a group of friends. That way he won’t get hurt and you won’t have to go through the excruciating situation of rebuffing unwanted advances. Remember his ego. Don’t hurt him unnecessarily. Be straight and gentle about it.
8. Keep Your Previous Pelationships and Conquests to Yourself, Especially in the Beginning: Keep past relationships out of it. Don’t talk about or bring up your past lovers, husbands, boyfriends or dates. The last thing he wants to hear about is a bunch of other guys you have been with. Being mysterious will work to your advantage. This only applies if you are interested romantically. If you only like him as a friend and have let him know this, go ahead and talk about anything you like.
9. When it Comes to Attraction, Show, Don’t Tell: Don’t blow it and tell him you are attracted to him. Do not express it specifically in words. If you decide to say something nice, make it a quick compliment. Words are very powerful for a guy. When a woman tells a guy she likes him, it feeds his ego and he will expect he is going to get you in the sack directly and right away. Practice letting him know that you fancy him in different ways. Touch his hand lightly when talking. Lean toward him. Sit close to him. He will get the picture, believe me. Any man worth his salt will know how to react to subtle, non-verbal flirtation. If he does not respond, either he is very shy or just not into you. Either way, let him get up the nerve to tell you how he feels. That is the man’s job.
10. The Subjects of Marriage, Children and “Forever” Will Scare Him Off. Don’t Even Bring Those Subjects Up: Most of all, DO NOT talk about children, marriage, or “forever” too soon. Nothing sends a guy running for the hills faster than “forever” talk. It freaks them out not matter how much they like you. Longevity of the “relationship” is not appropriate conversation until it is a relationship. Keep the first several dates fun and relaxing. These questions will come up soon enough if you continue to see each other.
Photo: Jaime King / Hart Of Dixie
By Tinka Milinovic
©2011 Tinka Milinovic. All Rights Reserved.