A NYC friend told me his concerns about women potentially using him for free food dates and good company, without having a real interest in him as a man. I’ve heard many versions and concerns regarding the same matter from both men and women.
And this is what it is:
Only wimpy, whiny cheapskate men with no “game” sit around fretting about being used as meal tickets. Those who are true gentleman and powerful men worldwide know every penny spent on a gorgeous girl is well worth it. SO WHAT if a hot woman is pretending to be interested just to grab some free grub? Who cares? In fact, HOORAY! (And just for the record guys, food isn’t that important to us). Do you think Hugh Hefner cares that all those gorgeous bimbos with their 22 inch tan tummies, long skinny legs and double D boobs are in it for the freebies? Not likely. He welcomes it. That is who he is and he realized decades ago, as do all rich powerful men, that it’s way worth it. The key to a guy being a true playboy, which is of course what every guy really wants (if they say they don’t, it’s because they don’t have the money, power, looks or charisma to pull it off and they know it), is letting everyone see that they can afford a few golddiggin’ chicks at his table. It’s all about ego for men. Who are we trying to kid?! And let’s face it, the guys who feel like they are getting burned buying dinners for babes who aren’t “really” into them, are probably out of their league anyway and should be grateful the chick is even willing to spend a couple hours of her precious time being bored to tears by the likes of him. Those guys may also want to consider stepping up their game a bit as well, incidentally, or stop trying to run with the big dogs and stay home on the sofa in front of the flat screen they bought at WalMart.
So having the company of a fabulous babe is a privilege for a man, not a right. There is nothing in the Bill of Rights that says, “All men, no matter how broke, fat, bald, boring or ugly, have the right to the company of a hot chick.” It doesn’t say that. A guy has to earn it one way or another. Sexy women are not cheap to keep. If a dude can afford them, he’s THE MAN, especially in the eyes of other guys. Having a hot chick on his arm is like having an Aston Martin DB9 and a Rolex or three…..and all for the price of a few dinners and some drinks? That’s a bargain if you can get it. A guy should be so lucky. So if dude is bummin’ or kvetching about the perils of chicks who “use” him for free food, well he’s a wuss and not up for hangin’ with the big boys. He needs to go back to the minor leagues where the girls are not quite as hot and will assure him after the date they’re eternally grateful he coughed up a C-note to entertain them for the evening.
Guys who worry about being used by women on dates need to have a look at the kind of girl they are going for. The alleged “food whores” are generally not nice church-going girls from respectable families who have simple hair, minimal make up and sensible shoes. Hot glammed up, sexy looking women who come in all sizes, shapes and forms, especially if they are fun, smart and entertaining, can get any guy they want to pay for everything all the time just to be graced by their presence. So, if hotties are the kind of women a guy is going for, he needs to just pony up and stop whining, or go out with a nice elementary school teacher, take her to Applebees and let it go at that. She may even offer to go dutch. So take your pick guys.
From a woman’s point of view, a girl doesn’t want to act like she likes a guy too much, even if she is, or get her groove on with him too soon without him “proving” he really is interested in her, for more than just quickie. Here’s a newsflash guys, WE KNOW ALL MEN WANT TO GET LAID FIRST AND FOREMOST! Contrary to popular belief, we aren’t stupid. We didn’t fall off the turnip truck yesterday. We get that, and frankly, we are not so anxious to give ourselves away for the price of an ossobuco and creme brulee. Believe me, hanging out at home with our dog and a lean cuisine is much more fun than enduring a guy’s boring stories of how his ex-wife took him to the cleaners, then have to deal with getting pawed by him at the end of the date because he thinks we OWE HIM for feeding us. Sorry, doesn’t work that way. Hot women are expensive pets to keep boys. So pony up. If you don’t, the guy who has it figured out and is grateful to have our company at any price and not complain about it, will. You want us at your table? You want us to walk in the door with you? You want to even be in the running to get a girl in the sack? It’s going to cost you. We know what men hold most precious, and that is their MONEY, and there is no better proof that a guy digs a girl than if he is willing to invest in a woman. Broke losers who are too cheap to spring for an evening with a beautiful charming lady need to stay at the sports bar with their guy friends and pontificate about the Lakers and go home with a beer bar chick who is a tad heavy and has a tramp stamp on her lower back.
So, if a guy is paranoid his hard eared bucks are being wasted wining and dining some “ungrateful bitch” (as broke guys usually refer to women who go out with them but don’t put out afterward) whom he fears is looking over his shoulder to see what other interesting men may be in the room and who has no real interest in him whatsoever, time will tell… Time will tell guys. The truth ALWAYS comes out in the wash, 100% of the time.
Dating someone new is an INVESTMENT. It’s an investment of time and effort and MONEY for all parties involved. A woman has to go to the salon, have her haircut, color and highlights done, get a mani-pedi, go tanning, get waxed, get eyelash extensions, whiten her teeth, buy a new outfit, perhaps shell out for a babysitter, and the list goes on and on and on. Guys never consider the time and trouble and expense a woman has to go through. They only consider the price of the filet mignon on her plate and that bottle of Dom they so magnanimously sprung for. Men may not have as much to do as far as grooming goes, but they shell out for the evening and all it entails, which they should BECAUSE THEY ARE THE MAN, and any man who is a MAN should pay for EVERYTHING from A to Z, period. No exceptions. If the chick is a user, it will be evident over time. The guy should be able to determine that by her actions by the third date. Is she interested in what he is saying? Is she scanning the room for bigger better deals or paying total attention to him? Is she interested in what is going on in his life or only as it pertains to how it can benefit her? It doesn’t take a genius to deduce those basic aspects of her motivation, but it does take a guy who is willing to face the reality that the chick may not be that into him and may, in fact be using him for free nights on the town. Nonetheless, the fact remains, a guy who has his head in the right place about the whole thing – that is, once he graduates from “whiny, neurotic, mama’s-boy nudge” to “real man” – he won’t care either way and will take it for what it is. The whole argument will become a totally mute point.
For guys who still don’t quite get it, they also have to keep in mind that the girl doesn’t want to get used herself. She doesn’t want the cheapskate to think that just because he threw out a few bucks for a night out that it means he is getting laid, and lots of guys think that, believe me. Nothing turns a girl off quicker than a guy who is trying to make her feel like she “owes” him sex in exchange for some piddly shrimp cocktail. So guess what guys? If we look good, we are NOT that into food anyway, so don’t think buying us food is like giving a dog a bone. We are not standing on the street corner with a cardboard sign that says “WILL F**K FOR FOOD”, so don’t treat us that way. A guy who is worrying that he is not getting his “money’s worth” out of the date, is, most likely thinking just that and the girl senses it. We aren’t as dumb as we look guys. We evolved too.
At this point a guy just has to decide if he has the stones to buck up and deal with the reality that he just might not be THAT INTERESTING, or that the woman is onto him and isn’t going to put out for food. So what if he takes her out and she isn’t into being his girlfriend? He should enjoy a fun time and let it go at that and maybe manage his own expectations when going for chicks that have a lot of options. Chances are if she has the looks to get attention from a lot of different guys, she is going to use that to her advantage, and why shouldn’t she? If it was like shooting fish in a barrel, men wouldn’t be interested anyway, now would they? Guys who just accept reality and don’t expect to get a loyal, devoted girlfriend out of a chick who looks like one of Hef’s girlfriends or like she stepped off the cover of Victoria’s Secret, or some facsimile there of, can enjoy themselves and not sweat it. The pressure is off. Men need to stay in the moment, have fun and not expect anything in return for their “investment” except for a fun evening and a few envious looks from other guys.
Any guy worth his salt knows, being able to afford a gold digger IS A LUXURY. The guys who are sitting around boo-hooing about women screwing them out of a lobster tail and some martinis, most likely DO NOT have any gold to dig. They WISH gold diggers were after them because that would mean they had it going on. If a dude blabs his fear of gold diggers to anyone who will listen, he probably needs to scrape up a few more duckets somewhere so a few dead presidents don’t break their bank, or – STAY HOME.
By Tinka Milinovic
©2011 Tinka Milinovic. All Rights Reserved