Dating Married (or Attached) Guys

Cropped view of a married man's hands as he removes his wedding ring; Shutterstock ID 114488443; PO: The Huffington Post; Job: The Huffington Post; Client: The Huffington Post; Other: The Huffington Post

Which is better: To be the “Other Woman” who knows what’s going on, or the primary woman who in most cases has no idea her husband-boyfriend-fiance has another woman with him on those supposed “Business Trips” and his wedding ring is in the bottom of his shaving kit hidden inside a box of Altoids?

Isn’t it worse to be the clueless wife who only thinks her husband is loyal? Maybe she chooses to be clueless. Is ignorance bliss or is it more painful? Does it hurt less if you have an open mind and the right attitude and just see it as what it is and accept that his life is with someone else but that he has more fun with you?

If you are single and you date a married guy, people say you are not breaking any vows – he is. He is the one with the promise to his wife, not you. Maybe she really doesn’t know what’s going on or maybe she just chooses to ignore her husband’s conquests around town behind her back. I learned that most men, if opportunity presents itself, will cheat. Hats off to those who actually choose faithfulness to their partner. Observing men in today’s world I realized that they all – unless they are some repressed guy, or too broke or ugly to get another chick – cheat. Even the ones who have no game can always go to a professional if they can scrape up the dough, so you are screwed regardless. We can pretend these issues don’t exist, but it’s about time we start an open dialogue.

So, back to the original question, what is better: Being the one who knows what’s up and is the one he is happy to see OR is it better to be the wife who may have no idea what he is doing and who is deluding herself into thinking he is faithful? I think it hurts less when you know about the other woman, his wife. You are not living in a fantasy – that is as long as you realize he will never leave her and you are a throwaway to him. As long as you accept that, you’ll be fine. The wife on the other hand actually thinks he doesn’t cheat (in most cases that is, except when the guy is exceptionally rich or powerful and it’s just better for the wife to ignore it and keep the lifestyle she gets by keeping her mouth shut) but in normal situations, the wife/official girlfriend is usually shocked and devastated when she finds out about you. Her life is shattered. Who wants that kind of pain? What she doesn’t know doesn’t hurt her and maybe that is the best route, but if she finds out, the pain she will endure is a million times worse that that of the so-called “other woman”. The other woman can move on easily. She knew the guy was a cheating louse from the get-go. It’s no surprise. She didn’t walk down the aisle with him in a white dress and profess her loyalty to him ’til death do they part. She “just” jumped in the sack with him in hopes he would, maybe, at some point ditch his main woman and make her the main one, at which point she would then become the one who sits home alone wondering who he’s with that night when he is supposed to be home.

It comes as no surprise. If you go the “other woman” route, just don’t be foolish. Don’t buy into his story that he “has not slept with his wife in two years because she hates sex”. Yeah right. And he “never” has sex with her which is why they have 4 kids. As long as you know what’s happening, you won’t get disappointed and you won’t be shocked when his wife turns up pregnant, again, and he dumps you because you catch on to his lies and get a little edgy. Knowing the truth is the best way to go, and no matter what, don’t ever think otherwise and you will never get burned again as long as you live.

By Tinka Milinovic.

©2011 The Tinka Show. All Rights Reserved.

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